Sometimes my husband calls me a hererosexual lesbian. What does that make him??
A few weeks back I went to a gathering wearing jeans and a green-and-purple plaid flannel shirt. A friend said to me, “You are such a lesbian in that shirt”. And the woman who said that is married to a woman.
Yes, I have a lot of men’s clothes – Carhartt jeans, flannel shirts, men’s wallets and belts and socks. You know why? Men’s clothes are simply better made than women’s. If you want clothes that last a long time, fit comfortably, and have lots of deep pockets, you’ve pretty much got to shop in the men’s department. Not to mention, men’s clothes are usually less expensive than their weaker counterparts in the women’s department.
Underneath my man-pants, I’ve got unshaven legs. Oh, I’ve shaved them from time to time. I suck at it. End up with razor burn and little cuts everywhere. I suppose practice would improve my technique, but to be honest I don’t give enough of a damn to practice shaving. I only practice things I think are important. When I want to look “ladylike”, I put on a dress with boots and leggings and that gets me close enough.
Then, to top things off, while I let my body hair grow, I usually cut the hair on my head really short. I would love to have long, beautiful hair. Every few years, I let mine grow, thinking how nice it will be. But the fact is that when my hair gets longer than five or six inches, it just hangs there like greasy threads glued to my head. Doesn’t matter how often I shampoo it – it’s just limp sucky hair. I suppose with some professional help it could be made to curl or wave or have some sort of body and style – but that’s more effort than I feel like putting into it. So I cut it off. A few times in my life I’ve gotten a little carried away and shaved it off.
That went over well with Carhartt’s, flannel shirts, and hairy legs, let me tell you.
I’m not a lesbian. I’m just super practical. And lucky that I found my husband, who is also super practical. We both care more about how something works than how it looks.
Although once he did ask me if wearing my “Marriage is so gay” T-shirt with my Carhartt’s was perhaps a little much.